in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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