i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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