Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
