Will you blow on my dice?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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