I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
