Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
