Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
