Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
