does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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