I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
