Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize