The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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