I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My balls are so social today.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We have started to decorate penises.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
