I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
