i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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