12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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