is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
