so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
