i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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