She said her name was "party"
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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