Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
this just has baby written all over it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
