just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
