dude i'm inner monologue high
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
