I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
why do cheetos always look like penises
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
