never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize