he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
