Need sex. Gaining weight.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
