guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize