Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
