Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
