My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
