dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
