her vagine was all disorganized.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
