omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
