just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
