I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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