I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
the raccoons are back...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
