Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
