Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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