So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
