GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
