Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
