Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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