I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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