Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
