He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
