Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
