Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
