When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
