He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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