So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
