Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
