I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize