i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
