This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
