Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
