i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
