Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
