have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
