He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
