I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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