just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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