nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize
