I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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