Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
