nut hugger
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
