this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
