The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
