I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize