Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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