Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
