Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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