How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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