I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
