allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize