Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just pee around me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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