it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
