Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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