Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
why do cheetos always look like penises
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
