we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
