I'm really into asian looking animals
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize