One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
