and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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