i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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