I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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