maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
