as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
