hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
