Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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