You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
