We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
