when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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