he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
