I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
