So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
