Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
