I look better un-naked...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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