moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
