I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
