This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
