It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
