i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
