If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize