Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
