i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
A+ Viking dick
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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