During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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